Birds Like Crazy People
by aelfwyne
Summary: A look into the heart of a warrior which few ever see


The sun was just creeping over the horizon when Haldir had first found her. A filthy orc band had thought to hunt on the edges of the golden wood. He and his fellow wardens had made short work of the orcs but not before the orcs had slain a swan.

Swans, like elves, mated for life. The mate of this one was seriously wounded and in mourning. Haldir knew it would grieve itself to a slow and painful death and he inwardly cursed the filthy servants of the enemy who had done this. Being a hunter as well as an elf, he could not leave the bird to suffer so. He drew his knife and released the great bird from his suffering. He would make certain that these birds had not sacrificed their lives in vain. The long plumes of the swan were highly prized in the Golden Wood for fletching as well as quills. Haldir was about to take the brace of swans and retreat deeper into the wood when he caught sight of the nest. One of the eggs was rocking back and forth as its inhabitant fought to free itself of its shell. It was quite obvious from the fact that this little one had almost freed itself that hatching had been going on for some time , perhaps the entire day.

Haldir frowned. He knew the little one would not survive alone without its parents. His thought was interrupted by a strange insistent presence on the edges of his awareness. Haldir groaned as the cygnet looked lovingly up into his eyes and he distinctly felt its overwhelming cry of

"Mama!"

"No, little one, I am not your mother." replied Haldir

"Mama?"The cygnet mentaly questioned with wide eyes.

Haldir sighed. The cygnet had impressed itself on him. What was he going to do? He could not very well abandon the youngling to its fate, but he would not have the time to care for it and still complete his other duties.

Haldir erased all sign of reaction from his face as one by one his fellow wardens came to see what was keeping their leader. One look at the deep love in the eyes of the cygnet left no doubt in any mind what had happened. They smiled and praised the little one, and none of them dared laugh even though it was hilariously funny to imagine the March Warden of Lothlorien as a mama swan.

Haldir handed the cygnet to his brother, who protested.

"What do you expect me to do with it?"

"I expect you to carry it back to the talan and help me find someone better able to care for it," answered Haldir.

"How exactly am I supposed to do that? You know as well as I do once an animal is impressed upon you, there is nothing one can do but accept the will of the Valar. It seems they think you need to get in touch with your feminine side."

Rumil smiled, trying to restrain a giggle as the cygnet struggled against his light but firm grip, fighting desperately to return to the embrace of the march warden.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" the cygnet continued to mentaly call  
Haldir winced, glaring at his brother as he contemplated what had happened. Rumil was right of course. This was not going to be easy, but nothing about his job had ever been easy. He had found solutions to every challenge he had faced before. An answer would surely present itself.

All the way back home the cygnet continued to mentally scream for Haldir thinking he was indeed its mother as it struggled against Rumil. If it kept up at this rate it would surely injure itself. Finally Haldir could take it no more and gently received the tiny cargo back from his brother. Rumil cocked his head, raised his brows in what he hoped looked like an apologetic manner, shrugged his shoulders and did his best to stifle the humor building inside himself as the cygnet promptly fell asleep in Haldir's hands.

Upon returning to his talan the elf set the still sleeping bird down gently so as not to disturb it and began to change out of his clothes. He had asked every young elleth and ellon he could think of to take this charge from him. Several were at first pleased, proud and honoured that the March Warden of Lothlorien would entrust to them the care of a baby swan, as swans were highly revered in the golden wood.  
Haldir glanced at his small charge and sighed. The same thing had happened two dozen times, at the least, that afternoon. Haldir had sought out a likely candidate and requested that they accept care for the cygnet. All had readily agreed, but when he had handed his tiny charge to their care the bird reacted just as it had with his brother. It was quite obvious to anyone with an eye that the young cygnet would accept none but Haldir. He was considering asking yet another ellyth to make the attempt when the Lady herself approached him. Haldir made the sign of respect to his Lady and felt his face grow hot.

"I see you have a new charge, March Warden" said Galadriel

News traveled quickly in the wood. Too quickly at times, thought Haldir.  
"So it would seem, My Lady," he replied.

"The wisdom of the Valar should not be questioned. Your work is hard and offers little time for respite. Yet I understand the little one will have none but you." It was a statement of fact rather than a question and Haldir tried his best to keep the weariness out of his voice as he replied.

"Yes, my Lady. I thought not to trouble you with so minor a thing but I can hardly take him out to the fences. I have tried to find him a suitable guardian but he insists on becoming hysterical as soon as I get more than a few feet away from him. I fear he would do himself serious injury."

"Haldir, all things within the Wood concern me. Even the least of my subjects." Galadriel smiled lovingly down at the baby swan.

The March Warden looked at his feet.  
"Forgive me, my Lady. I meant only that my duties to you are of course foremost in my concern," he said, speaking almost in a whisper.

"Our defences are strong, Haldir, and those you have trained are quite capable. It is not necessary for you to be constantly at the fences to ensure this." Galadriel's voice was gentle but firm. "For whatever reason it seems the Valar have chosen to give you a precious gift: the care of one defenseless life. I trust you will meet this challenge well as you have all others."

All Haldir could do was silently agree. Eru, what were the Valar thinking? A cygnet could need his care from eight to twelve months!

Lady Galadriel laughed and Haldir looked up at the sound. "Fret not, my March Warden. I have every confidence in you." And with this, The lady left.

Had she been reading him? He couldn't tell but hoped she had not. The matter was settled. If the Lady felt that he should do this himself, then he would. As if sensing his new status as ward to the march warden of lorien the young bird awoke on cue and mentally broadcast,

"Mama I am hungry!"

Haldir groaned. He had just returned from the river and now he would have to take his little charge back there to find food.

Ten weeks had passed since the valar had chosen to give Haldir the responsibility of "Tittanna" as he had taken to calling the cygnet when in the presence of others. Of course when he was alone in his talan he would affectionately call her other less becoming names such as: greedy mouth, or noisy wind. The first few days had been spent close to the water's edge, as this tiny bird seemed to have a huge appetite. The young ellyth and ellon would enquire as to Tittanna's health and ask if there was anything that they could do to help. After about a week of this Haldir came up with a plan. He had a small flat wooden pond built and filled with river water and the small plants, which comprised tittanna's diet. One or another of the many elleth and ellyn would change the water and bring fresh plants so that the little one never went hungry. After her meal she would rest for a short time, giving Haldir an opportunity to break his fast. Then the two of them would walk to the practice field to instruct the wardens in training.

Haldir had ordered a small bed made of swan plumes for his charge. She would sit on the bed and watch Haldir carefully but as long as he did not leave her sight she was content to remain out of the way for the most part. Tittanna would watch and listen as haldir instructed his charges, occasionally adding her own comments according to the March Warden's tone of voice. The young wardens in training began to tease each other that Tittanna was as harsh a taskmaster as The March Warden himself though they never dared say this where Haldir might hear.

When in the company of others Haldir acted as though it was simply another one of his tasks to care for the tiny swan. He would give her no more or any less attention than his other responsibilities. When they were alone however it was a different story. When he had found his favorite tunic a mess of bird feathers and poop he had laughed and said,

" so, I see you don't care for my taste in clothes hmmm? "

In the evenings before he retired Haldir would tuck her into her small portable bed and say

" I don't like you at all, no, I don't, " in a tone that said he had grown very fond of her indeed.

It became habit for him to speak to her as though she was just another member of the family.

Soon fifteen weeks had passed and she took her first faltering flight from the talan to her wading pool. She had grown quite a bit and his brothers had taken to laughingly calling her "Willin Looke" because of the lumbering rolling gate she used when following Haldir, and the way she would lower her neck to the ground and chase off anyone who approached. All too soon the seasons passed and autumn came.

Now almost daily the wing beats and calls of migrating flocks could be heard. Tittanna would look up with intense interest as they flew over and Haldir knew that one day the longing of her heart to take to the air with others of her kind would overwhelm her. He tried to tell himself that this was the way of nature, and he should be pleased that she would be able to live her life as it was meant to be lived. Inwardly though the thought of her leaving wrenched his heart. As her wings grew steadily stronger she would fly farther and farther testing her wings and building strength in them. Finally one day she flew up higher and higher joining one of the great flocks. Haldir had watched her as she flew away and kept his face carefully devoid of any feeling. That night when he was alone in the talan he laid one hand on her small pallet and shed bitter tears. Two days later when Haldir was certain she would not return he drained her pond and scrubbed it. He found someone else who had a use for it. He kept the small pallet which he claimed made a decent footstool but those who knew him best knew he simply could not bring himself to part with it because it was a last tie to her.

All thru the winter on the fences his mood was as dark as the sky before a storm. As the first buds of spring began to open Haldir scanned the skies. The March Warden would not admit even to himself what it was that he was looking for but his brothers knew. No one would mention tittanna but secretly all three watched, waited and hoped. Then one day bright and early before the sun had risen The March Warden was awakened by a weight on his legs and an incessant honking. He looked up and smiled from ear to ear. Tittanna had returned. She was now four feet in length with a six-foot wingspan. Hardly what one could call little but Haldir still thought of her affectionately as his tittanna.

Days turned to months and months passed into years. On the third year Tittana had brought a friend home to meet Haldir. A large male swan. Tittanna and her mate found a favorite place by the river and Haldir would visit the small family as often as his duty allowed.

Many years passed in this way. Each spring Haldir would look forward to the return of the great flocks and his tittanna. Finally one spring she did not return. Haldir knew in his heart that swans were mortal and one day he would be without his tittanna but still it had come as somewhat of a shock.

Haldir was never quite the same after that. All knew that The March Warden had always kept his feelings to himself but now his heart was locked even deeper away and his stoicism seemed to know no bounds. Only four people understood completely. Haldir's brothers tried to comfort him and cajole him as best they could and even Galadriel would make a point of trying to cheer Haldir up. In time the wound in his heart healed but he always carried a scar and he would do his best to be away on the fences when the great flocks followed their migration paths over the naith. Very few understood the slight pain in his eyes when he would hear the call of a swan. All knew That Haldir would whisper something to himself each time an orc was in his sights but few ever heard the words he repeated each time his arrow met the mark,

"This is for tittanna."

Some believe there is a tall proud silver haired elf who walks the beaches of eldamar and by his side is a large black swan. Yet none living can say with certainty what one might find on the last shore for the great ships no longer journey between aman and arda.

Authors notes:

Tittanna: a conjugation of titta - little and anna - gift  
Willin Looke: bird dragon (the middle earth equivalent of birdzilla I hope)  
Ellyth: female elves  
Ellon: male elf  
Ellyn: male elves (plural)


End file.
